bamboozle

I...cant decide what I want.I have been in the midst of frustration and anxiety.Today's issue is about my upcoming birthday celebration..i changed my mind..sweet 16 is irrevocable!i want to celebrate and get all those lovely presents but at the same time i dont coz i realised that my social life is atrocious.simply pathetic.I've been mixing with lots n lots of chinese lately in school.seriously,i am so snobbish with the malays.so yea..goofball and oafs are my friends!haha.ok well not really..actually i am soo lazy when it comes to talking..but still..u know me right..i loooove to ORGANISE parties..and i'm planning to have this year's party theme:VEGAS!(this idea came up when i was watching bratz in the plane on the way back from nz)..so my grand entrance will be ushered by police (mom said we could hire them) and me!as a showgirl!i'm planning to have a mini casino n hire stilt-mans too and a snake charmer..and also a money booth (its like a chamber which has an air blower beneath it..it'll be filled with money and u have to catch it)..i know..sounds fun BUT i dont have the right crowd..not anymore eversince the '07-happening-f5's left the school..my list of names will have to reach up to 300 to fill up the space..it was achieveable LAST TIME but now..it could only reach up to a 100?..haha.i'm such a humdrum..*sobs* so i guess i'll just have a small-itsy-bitsy-tiny gathering with 10 of my friends then..wait no,make that 5..HAIH

next..i'd like to mention about how indecisive i've been with other things..such as which club do i want to join in school,whether to take picture for the gemala team or run during merentas desa,cheerleading or sonialeading etc etc..well..i ended up not joining any..its funny coz i wanna do and be everything..i plan and plan and at the end of the day i end up doing nothing.lol.its so hard! i know u guys find what i just mentioned unfathomable..but i'm in a very confused state right now!there isnt any conclusion to what i'm trying to say here.i know what i want but i just find it hard to get there.sorry for the muck up me.